Minggu, 17 Oktober 2010

take a little look back

If I take a look back to the past, I'm so glad that finally I come to this point--when I feel so relieved and nothing to cry about.

To be honest, it is just hard for me to let go of my past. I mean, yeah, I had wasted my time crying a lot. I had spent lots of my energy thinking about "how did this happen to me? why the man I love cannot just love me back?" and sort of regret. Well, even though I sometimes lied to people by saying "I'm okay, I have moved on" and gave them a happy smile, in fact I need almost a year to stop regretting my past. To admit whole-heartedly that we were not made to each other--that I've been rejected actually :">. It was hard. I don't know, maybe I was just so into him. Too bad that too much love will kill you *sigh*

I realize that I'm sooo damn tired to think about the same man again and again. Enough. I tried to make things up but when it all turned out to be nothing.... it was very useless and time-wasting. Yeah, time to celebrate the return of my logical sense, welcome back honey baby!. And thanks God, suddenly he is just wiped out of my mind. As Goethe said, vanish like an echo (PS: "echo" word reminds me of Girl's Generation/SNSD song title :p)

However, being in a failed relationship makes me learn many things, particularly about my own weaknesses. And here's a sweet conclusion:

when it comes to love, I will be pretty much losing myself.

Because I was always afraid to be left, I tend to be hypersensitive--I often worried about nothing, created troubles later on, and got frustrated. Yes, I was really lack of confidence back then. And the worst part was that I suddenly lost my appetite... gloomy right? It was just not me, I used to love food more than anything~~

But I know it's not only about my weaknesses that made my relationship failed. It's also about compatibility. No matter how good I am, if our "genes" are not suit to each other, then it will end up sooner or later. That simple :)

And for your information, I really enjoy being a single right now. I'm not in love (or I think so) and I practically focus on myself. Many things to do, many things need to be realized (remember my 1000-things-to-do-before-I-die? I want to make it real!). Even though sometimes I feel a bit lonely , but logically I know it is better to develop myself first so that I won't lose it anymore. I want to be a nice woman for a nice man.

As long as there are family, friends, and dreams; nothing to worry about in your 21-year-old life :)

1 komentar:

fitri mengatakan...

Arres, very like this!!
jadi terinspirasi..=))