Ithaca

Ithaca (Constantine Cavafy, translated by Rae Dalven)

When you set out on your journey to Ithaca,

pray that the road is long,

full of adventure, full of knowledge.

The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,

the angry Poseidon -- do not fear them:

You will never find such as these on your path,

if your thoughts remain lofty, if a fine

emotion touches your spirit and your body.

The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,

the fierce Poseidon you will never encounter,

if you do not carry them within your soul,

if your soul does not set them up before you.

Pray that the road is long.

That the summer mornings are many, when,

with such pleasure, with such joy

you will enter ports seen for the first time;

stop at Phoenician markets,

and purchase fine merchandise,

mother-of-pearl and coral, amber and ebony,

and sensual perfumes of all kinds,

as many sensual perfumes as you can;

visit many Egyptian cities,

to learn and learn from scholars.

Always keep Ithaca in your mind.

To arrive there is your ultimate goal.

But do not hurry the voyage at all.

It is better to let it last for many years;

and to anchor at the island when you are old,

rich with all you have gained on the way,

not expecting that Ithaca will offer you riches.

Ithaca has given you the beautiful voyage.

Without her you would have never set out on the road.

She has nothing more to give you.

And if you find her poor, Ithaca has not deceived you.

Wise as you have become, with so much experience,

you must already have understood what Ithacas mean.




I got that poem from the novel The Zahir (Paulo Coelho) and somehow it touched my heart..

Don't be too hurry, it is better to enjoy a long journey with both happiness and pain along way. Meet these Lestrygonians (whatever it is), Cyclops, and angry Poseidon... They might hurt you but in the end, they will be your most precious experiences.

I think Ithaca means the purpose of your life (or it is simply about your end point--your death?)

take a little look back

If I take a look back to the past, I'm so glad that finally I come to this point--when I feel so relieved and nothing to cry about.

To be honest, it is just hard for me to let go of my past. I mean, yeah, I had wasted my time crying a lot. I had spent lots of my energy thinking about "how did this happen to me? why the man I love cannot just love me back?" and sort of regret. Well, even though I sometimes lied to people by saying "I'm okay, I have moved on" and gave them a happy smile, in fact I need almost a year to stop regretting my past. To admit whole-heartedly that we were not made to each other--that I've been rejected actually :">. It was hard. I don't know, maybe I was just so into him. Too bad that too much love will kill you *sigh*

I realize that I'm sooo damn tired to think about the same man again and again. Enough. I tried to make things up but when it all turned out to be nothing.... it was very useless and time-wasting. Yeah, time to celebrate the return of my logical sense, welcome back honey baby!. And thanks God, suddenly he is just wiped out of my mind. As Goethe said, vanish like an echo (PS: "echo" word reminds me of Girl's Generation/SNSD song title :p)

However, being in a failed relationship makes me learn many things, particularly about my own weaknesses. And here's a sweet conclusion:

when it comes to love, I will be pretty much losing myself.

Because I was always afraid to be left, I tend to be hypersensitive--I often worried about nothing, created troubles later on, and got frustrated. Yes, I was really lack of confidence back then. And the worst part was that I suddenly lost my appetite... gloomy right? It was just not me, I used to love food more than anything~~

But I know it's not only about my weaknesses that made my relationship failed. It's also about compatibility. No matter how good I am, if our "genes" are not suit to each other, then it will end up sooner or later. That simple :)

And for your information, I really enjoy being a single right now. I'm not in love (or I think so) and I practically focus on myself. Many things to do, many things need to be realized (remember my 1000-things-to-do-before-I-die? I want to make it real!). Even though sometimes I feel a bit lonely , but logically I know it is better to develop myself first so that I won't lose it anymore. I want to be a nice woman for a nice man.

As long as there are family, friends, and dreams; nothing to worry about in your 21-year-old life :)

Icy Blue

Last night, I got my first ice-skating lesson. Yihaaa... It was at a new skating arena in PVJ Mall, Garden Ice, and thanks God, my birthday friend paid me the entrance ticket along with the new pair of socks (I was so lucky).

There were five of us, consisted of two couples and one single lady (yeah, sure you know who is the single one). I was the only person who never tried ice skating before while the rest were quiet expert on this (at least they could slide their skates smoothly on ice). So I was ended up skating around the side of arena, holding on the metal fence that surround the ice field, while the couples were creating their intimate zone at the center of arena *sigh*.

Okay, there will always be the first time right? And I know I could learn it practically by myself :)

Later on I found my slight basic in roller skating quite helped me to manage my balance on the slippery surface. Or was it just because my secret talent on ice-skating? :p I don't know but after 3 times fell down, I was getting used to the game and slowly could leave the fence and crossed the arena by myself. Hurray~ It was fun! And I was kinda proud of myself after seeing other newcomers like me were still stuck on the fence until the arena closed :D

Ah, I should try ice-skating again next time! Two hours were not enough~

Sorry Sorry~

Oke, dari judulnya aja udah ketebak saya mau nulis tentang apa. Ya, tidak lain dan tidak bukan tentu saja Super Junior :))

Kadang saya juga mikir sih... gila aja saya udah 21 tahun kok masih ngefans-ngefans sama artis idola gini yaaa... Perasaan zaman dulu aja saya ga pernah segitu ngefans-nya sama Westlife atau Meteor Garden (yang sempet booming banget di Indonesia). Nah sekarang udah masuk usia tante-tante gini kok ya malah jadi fangirl gini -_- Ah, simpulkan saja bahwa saya mungkin agak telat puber. Atau malah sedang puber kedua. Whatever.

Dan saya sebenernya juga heran, udah lewat tiga bulan kok saya tetep aja ngga bosen-bosen sama mereka. Serius, tadinya saya kira setelah selesai tugas akhir saya bakal bosan sendiri. Hah. Ngga tuh. Lucu juga kalau mengingat tahun lalu saya masih menganggap mereka "cheesy" dan "so gay, man!". Karma oh karma. Sekarang malah saya makin kepengen untuk menonton show mereka tahun depan di Malaysia. Oke, sebut saya labil... tapi begini deh, saya yakin semua orang pasti punya impian "konyol" masing-masing kan?

Ya, dan nonton Super Show III mungkin adalah salah satu impian "konyol" saya (selain foto pre-wedding di Indonesia Tenggelam dan masih banyak lagi~). Soalnya, ada kemungkinan Super Junior akan non-aktif setelah tahun depan karena mereka mulai memasuki usia maksimal wajib militer (untuk yang ngga tau, di Korea Selatan masih berlaku yang namanya wajib militer). Makanya saya penasaran banget pengen nonton. Dan sayang disayang, tur Asia mereka tidak mencakup Indonesia. Denger-denger sih karena venue konser di Indonesia belum ada yang bisa memenuhi requirement mereka (-_-)

Yah setelah mendengar gosip tentang konser Shinee tadi malam di Jakarta dimana para fans menjadi liar dan "menyerang" anggota Shinee sampe ada yang luka gitu sih saya jadi lebih menerima

Dan selama empat bulan ini terang-terangan ngefans sama mereka, saya rasanya jadi biasa diremehkan oleh mereka-yang-menganggap-dirinya-memiliki-selera-musik-yang-superior. Yah, mungkin sama seperti saya yang selama ini diam-diam menganggap "orang yang suka kerispatih = orang melankolis cenderung labil" atau "orang yang suka Kangen band = alay". Hahaha. Maaf deh maaf. Sekarang saya jadi mengerti perasaan ketika selera kita diremehkan. Janji deh untuk lebih menghargai selera orang lain (selama ngga ngerugiin saya aja).

Yah begitulah sekilas update mengenai "ke-fangirl-an" saya. Tidur dulu cuy, udah jam setengah 1 pagi!

Polaris

Udah lumayan lama ngga nulis, udah banyak hal yang terjadi selama kurang-lebih dua minggu ini:

1. Ikut IELTS preparation di TBI Dago

Yup yup, sambil menunggu wisuda tanggal 23 Oktober, saya memutuskan untuk ikut les persiapan IELTS. Ga berani kalo ngga ada persiapan khusus, secara tes IELTS itu bayarnya $195 (alias hampir dua juta rupiah). Kalo skor-nya ga sesuai yang saya harapkan (saya pengennya sih dapet 6.5--biar sesuai standar untuk apply scholarship ke luar) kan rugi banget kalo mau ngulang! Dan senangnya, di tempat les ini saya banyak ketemu kenalan baru yang baik hati dan menyenangkan (auranya kerasa bener-bener positif aja di sana). Teacher-nya juga enak banget ngajarnya. Sebagian besar peserta les ini nasibnya mirip-mirip kayak saya: baru lulus dan pengen nyari scholarship :D Oh iya, saya ikut les ini bareng pasangan Iki-Kiki (jadi teringat masa-masa PDKT mereka di mana saya terbiasa menjadi orang ketiga haha)

2. Pindah Kosan

Kalo dihitung-hitung ini hari ke-4 saya pindah kosan. Sekarang saya udah ngga di Dago Asri lagi, tapi di Cisitu Baru. Satu kosan dengan dua adik kelas saya di PSTK. Dan mengapa saya pindah? Tentu saja karena masa tinggal saya di kosan yang lama sudah habis, plus saya nyari kosan yang lebih murah. Soalnya saya paling di Bandung sampe abis wisuda aja, jadi sayang kalo harus keluar uang banyak untuk kosan. Lagian, asal ada internet, nge-kos di kamar mandi pun mungkin saya rela haha :p (btw, internetnya baru dipasang hari ini jadi sekarang saya lagi seneng-senengnya)

3. Fanfiction world

Belakangan ini saya lumayan sering bacain fanfic-fanfic yang beredar di dunia maya (haha, jangan pernah tanya fanfic tentang apa :p) and seriously, it helps me improve my vocabularies! Dan kemudian, saya jadi terinspirasi untuk ikut nulis dan bergabung dengan sebuah komunitas fanbase di dunia maya (tentu saja dengan akun dan nama palsu, soalnya saya 100% pemalu). Suatu kesenangan tersendiri lho ketika tulisan kita dikomentarin, dipuji, dan orang-orang tersebut menunggu lanjutan dari tulisan kita (haha, dasar haus pengakuan). Dan karena saya nulis fanfic dalam bahasa Inggris, itung-itung lumayan ningkatin skill writing :D

4. Bikin setelan wisuda~

Atas bantuan dari Mbak Citrarini Ceria Chandraningtyas a.k.a Mbak Cice (link blog-nya bisa dilihat di sebelah kanan), akhirnya saya menjahit setelan khusus untuk wisuda nanti. Mbak Cice inilah yang mendesain model pakaian, mengantarkan saya dan Mbak Iut (yang juga meminta bantuan mbak Cice) mencari bahan ke Pasar Baru, dan memperkenalkan dengan tukang jahit dengan tarif yang relatif terjangkau. Sekarang setelannya belum jadi sih, tapi semoga hasilnya sesuai dengan yang kita harapkan :)

NB: Mbak Cice ini hobinya membuat hand-made journal yang artistik banget, bisa dilihat di sini, sini, dan sini. Produk-produknya bisa dilihat langsung di Pasar Seni ITB 10-10-2010 besok :D

5. Mikir

Ya, dua minggu ini saya banyak berpikir untuk masa depan (lama amat ya saya mikirnya). Biasa, orang yang banyak maunya kayak saya ini susah memfokuskan ke satu hal aja :p

~Sekian~